It's over

I had a big secret. I kept it only because I was afraid to say it. Anytime I thought about it I'd cry so the less I said the better I was. Trucking along holding it in, knowing what might be but praying that it won't.

The wait is over. I can breath. It has been extremely emotional for me. I think everyday of the what if's of losing my husband or one of my children and even the thoughts of them losing me. But no one can prepare you for that loss and I had to think of the what if's of losing one of mine.

In January, Phantom continued being ill that his doctor recommended that he get tested for Cystic Fibrosis.  Lord when she said that my heart dropped. I didn't want to believe that it was a possibility but I knew that it was necessity. It is better to know than to not know. So I told only the people that I knew would hold my secret and could comfort me in my time of need. I waited until I had to take Phantom to Arnold Palmer to get his test done. As he sat in my lap while they strapped on the test to each arm, he cried a little bit but was so brave and patient with the nurses. We waited. The test collects sweat and depending on that result, tells us if he has or does not have Cystic Fibrosis. The first test did not collect enough sweat. I started to think the worse because the doctor told me that the lack of sweat can be a result of this disease. So they reran the test. I was told that the results would be faxed to the doctor on the same day. To try and push through the emotions, I took my little man to Islands of Adventure. He took one picture with Spider Man and walked to Dr. Seuss and he wanted to go home. He just wasn't up to have fun. 
We walked slowly back to the car. Phantom is such a great boy. He's far from lazy. Loves to walk so he walked from IOA to the car without a stroller. If you've ever been, that's not a short walk. But we were hand in hand, walking and talking. OOOOing and AAAAHing at everything. Capturing every moment we can because I still didn't know what the results were. I hounded the doctor that same day and the next day to get the results...

AND he was cleared. NO Cystic Fibrosis. I can handle taking care of his allergies, skin, ear infections, URI, and everything else that comes along the way, but I won't and I can't handle the thought that I might lose my babies.

I can breath because it's over.