Codepency

In my life, I've gone through so much more than any normal person would go through. There are things that have happened to me and within my family and friends that, to some, are inconceivable.

I was recommended a book to read about codependents. Having a vague idea of what a codependent is and what insight it might give me, I dove into the book looking for answers. I haven't finished it yet but each chapter gives me understanding of the events in my life and the people around me.

Let me take another step backwards, I also recently started to go to MOPS meetings. A great way for me to get out of the house, allow some time for me without having to find someone to watch the boys. MOPS is Mothers Of PreSchoolers. This past MOPS meeting they had a speaker who spoke about what we, as individuals, want and how we get what we want. In words that we can understand, without stories and without cushions, he effectively described everything I did to get to me - Today's me. I thought I was trying not to be someone else, but what I really was doing, is teaching myself not to be a codependent and focusing on what I wanted instead of what everyone else wanted.

So here it is from the book Codependent No More by Melody Beattie:
"A codependent person is one who has let another person's behavior affect him or her, and who is obsessed with controlling that person's behavior".

I am the eldest female of five children. I was concerned for everyone's well-being in my family including my parents and siblings. I felt that I had a duty as their daughter and their sister, to take care of them and assure their happiness. My first revelation to break out of this mold was to move away from them at my first chance, which was college. I felt horrible leaving my siblings alone but I also didn't want to have that responsibility anymore. Over a very long period of time I learned, and am still learning, that all I can control is myself. I cannot control how others feel, think, or act. Through the years, I've learned to change the way I thought about everything, and doing what I want to do and learning to let everything else go. I am still learning how to think before speaking, to not get emotionally attached to everyone else's needs, to do good for myself and my children. Jimmy and I are adults. The one thing I always say, is that we are individuals doing what we want for ourselves and having each other is icing on the cake. We don't sulk in the possibilities of finding someone else to take each others place, because in the end, we can't control what someone else may or may not do. We live in the now.

To end this, I am enjoying what life has for me, learning each day to be the best me, and I'm glad I can share this with you.


I am free.