It has been a time

 

It has been a long time since my last post. Lots to catch up on however, I was recently inspired by a new friend that reignited my desire to write, and what a time to do so! A year ago I started down the path of earning a PhD in Global Leadership. I’ve also wanted to earn a terminal degree but I couldn’t decide if it would be a JD, EdD or PhD until I witnessed something curious with the senior leaders I worked with. Those experienced sparked a question that led me to find the perfect program that would help me understand if what I believe, may be backed by evidence. That evidence will eventually be my research that will contribute to the academic community and industry organizations. 

My children are all grown with my youngest entering his senior year so why not use this time to earn a terminal degree that will not only enrich my soul but provide more opportunities to share my experiences. This is just an intro post because I’ve experienced something transformative while pursing my degree. Before I share this experience, I wanted to give a heads up - I’m back.

                 

Global Practicum - Pre-Departure

March 22-23, 2026

​Pre-Departure

Leaving home was a mix of excitement, uncertainty, and dread. I’ve wanted to travel to other countries but I’m always with family. I have a bucket list of places I want to go and I know that I won’t be able to go to them all if I wait on family to be available. The excitement comes from traveling on my own and seeing if I can do it. The “seeing if I can do it” is also dreadful to think about. What if I can’t do it? What if I get so scared, I have an awful time and can’t come back home? Could that even happen? In any case, I committed to this practicum and I always follow through on things I commit to, so here I go.

Departure Day

Jimmy took me to the airport. I was so thankful for that because he was the last person familiar before I head into unfamiliar territory. The first leg is easy. I’ve been to the DC airport (IAD) so there were no anxious thoughts and I felt good. However, I never traveled internationally out of DC so that part was new for me. Thankfully, it wasn’t too complicated to navigate, it did consist of a lot of walking and at least one bus ride. I had a little bit of time before the flight to Vienna, Austria so I wondered around a bit, got some chocolates for my professor so I can honor the pasalubong, and listened to Project Hail Mary until it was time to board. I upgraded my flight to premium so I could have a bigger seat but really, I just wanted less people around me. It did help to have more leg room so that I can have most of my stuff with me and there is more room around your seat to move around freely within the cabin. Unfortunately, my seat was in the middle section of the plane so leaning on a wall was not something I could do which for me, is a requirement and prevented me from getting any sleep on the longest leg of the trip - an 11 hour flight! No problem though, the last flight from Vienna to Sofia was a different story. It was a short flight, but long enough to catch a nap before getting to Sofia. 

Arriving in Sofia

Landing in Sofia was a little disorienting. I followed the flow of traffic to baggage claim. I believe I may have skipped customs OR maybe I didn’t. Either way, I didn’t pass through a check point like I did in Vienna where they reviewed my passport, in Sofia. Before I knew it I was at baggage claim. I got my luggage and followed the flow of traffic again to the green signs that said, nothing to claim, and followed the crowd to an area where I could see cars. I searched for  signs to taxi and was approached by an older, scruffy looking man who asked me if I wanted a taxi. That was a bit sketchy so I ignored him and went to a Taxi kiosk and ordered a taxi. Right outside the doors where the kiosk was, the taxis were all waiting there. By the time I got out, a man came up to me and asked if I wanted a taxi and I said yes and then he said my name and I knew that was my taxi driver.  Thank goodness! Because the little paper the kiosk spat out was still in my hand and I would not know what to do if the taxi driver hadn’t approached me. The ride to the Hilton Sofia was about 17 minutes and cost about 13 euros. My peers all had much more expensive cab rides so I’m grateful the guy I had didn’t scam me out of more money. I gave him a 20 and said thanks and proceeded to the entry, a rotating door  that led into one of the most breathtaking Hilton’s I’ve ever stepped into. 



The entire entry is illuminated by the natural light since the entire entry are floor to ceiling windows. The color themes gives off luxury nature with deep browns and shades of olive green and hints of blue. Textures of nature adorn every aspect whether it’s a sculptured flowers, planted trees, floral arrangements, or wood paneling. The space is open with quaint seating pods throughout its lobby. Checking in at a Hilton is a similar experience than other Hilton’s with the added requirement for our passports, so no issues at check in but my room was not ready so I parked myself at the restaurant and had hummus and the most delicious pita I’ve ever had. The pita was toasted on the outside and warm and soft on the inside.  Each time I put one in my mouth, I wondered how they got it to be so toasty without compromising the softness of the inside. The hummus was equally delicious. There were three flavors but I particularly enjoyed the beets. I know, who likes beets. Well apparently Bulgarians and I do. 

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By this time, around 2pm, I was exhausted. It was hard to keep my eyes open. I finally got to my room around 3pm and we were due to meet with the group at 4pm to start the tour of Sofia. I politely asked Dr. Bieri if I could pass and meet them at dinner so I could take a nap and she kindly said yes. Thank goodness, Dr. Bieri offered that Courtney also was not going on the walk and that we could possibly taxi together. So I message Courtney to see if she wanted to go to dinner together and she said. Yes! 

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Courtney recently had ankle surgery so she passed on the walk to ensure she could protect her ankle. During the short trip to the restaurant I learned that Courtney works for Indiana Tech as a Dean of online learning and that she had completed writing her dissertation and is due to defend it, likely at Spring Immersion. We both became fast friends and I often checked in with her throughout the trip to see if she needed anything and if her ankle was okay. This is a habit of mine any time I have social anxiety. It helps me when I am productive, I have purpose, to remove the anxiety I feel with interacting with people I don’t know. It also stem from me being Filipino. It is the most natural way for me to interact, is to take care of others.

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When we arrived at Egur Egur, an Armenian restaurant in downtown Sofia, no one else had gotten there yet. It was a great opportunity for me to observe the building’s architecture, which seemed to be an old home transformed into the restaurant. As you walk up the brick stairs into a narrow double door foyer, there is a room to the left that was the designated bar area, and a long hallway with rooms on each side of the hall. Each room is set up with tables to accommodate intimate sections of small groups allowing for parties to be together if needed or for a more intimate setting like a date night. Our group got a room to ourselves which was wonderful. The table was already set with all the appetizers that Dr. Bieri had picked out for us and beautifully displayed. So we sat there chatting until we saw Dr. Bieri walk in. She said that the group is at the church and asked if we would like to join them. The church was the Cathedral Saint Alexander Nevsky. Courtney and I walked back with Dr. Bieri to the church passing sculptures and vendors still on the street. This portion of the street was also closed off from traffic allowing for more pedestrian movement throughout its square. 

The church, a Cathedral, is a beautiful structure with turquoise and gold domes spread across the tops of its structure. Built between 1904-1912, it is said to have been built to honor Russian soldiers. It is considered Neo-Byzantine architecture with Bulgarian stone carvings, Italian marble, and Venetian mosaics throughout the church. This was the first time I stepped into a Bulgarian church. It is both noticeably different and similar to other cathedrals in Europe. Unlike others, there are no seatings and any that are there are are for the elderly. Long stemmed candles can be lit for loved ones depending on if they are alive or deceased and the placement of the candles will depend on this distinction. Those that are still alive, will be placed high, and those that are gone are placed low. The chandelier is also a center piece of Bulgarian culture and typically hangs in the center of the church. From the ceiling, the light fixture extends from intricately crafted metal, designed beautifully, links are typically shaped with a clover shape that extend to create a belt like stem and these link together until the appropriate height is met. The marble floors are

After a few minutes of soaking in the cathedral’s beauty, I was formally introduced to our group, including Dr. Bieri’s spouse. Quietly we said our hellos and shook hands with those that were near, and polite nods of acknowledgement who were not in immediate reach. After we left the cathedral to walk back to the restaurant, we were able to have a more intimate introduction with normal voices. It was lovely to hear of the diversity in our group, the wide range of where people lived, their background, and the many different accents everyone had. It truly energizes me when I’m around people from different ethnicities. 

Back at the restaurant, we enjoyed our meal with delicious Armenian food. The most memorable was the homemade Kyopolou dip , which is muddled roasted eggplant, roasted peppers, parsley, garlic, olive oil and spices. I could have eaten the whole bowl myself.  We spent hours chatting and learning about each other, asking questions about our studies, where we were at in the program, and what we plan to write a research on. After dinner, Courtney and I set out to catch a cab, Nevin, Dr. Bieri’s spouse and the restaurant were nice enough to help us order the taxi. On our way back, Leo, my new friend, decided to ride along with us back to the hotel. Together we got to know each other a little better in the cab ride back to the hotel before retiring for the night. The next day, we were due to meet at 8am to start the day’s activities.

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Marriage

I've been married for ten years. Some will say that's nothing and others will say it's a long time. I've learned a lot in our marriage. Jimmy is many things to me outside of my husband. He's my best friend, dish washer, yard man, lover, bug killer, and my gossip buddy.

The relationship between two people in a committed relationship is sacred. Your partner should be your best friend, the one you would trust with your life, your secrets, other people's secret (;-) ), and your joys.

In our relationship, I know Jimmy is the only one I can go home to, tell him everything that went on in my day and all the things I've heard during my day, and I know it won't be shared. The same goes with Jimmy. 

A marriage is the one place where you can share in safety-  your deepest darkest secrets, the gossip that you can't share with anyone else, but need to share with someone you trust.

Here is my token opinion about GOSSIP. Not to be right or wrong, just what I believe.

Grown people will make their own decisions. Right or Wrong, it is there's to make regardless if we, the people who are looking in, agree or disagree with their decision. We are not to judge anyone. When you meddle in to the lives of others because you believe it is right or wrong, or because you believe it's "juicy gossip" you are stepping into a realm you do not comprehend. You are stepping into the realm of lives you can change forever - for good or for bad. If you are meddling it's mostly bad and the repercussions of your actions will hurt many people because you could not keep your mouth shut. 

My rule of thumb, trust your relationship to note that what you hear is for you and your partner only. Or else you'll find yourself in a marriage that is slowly chipping away at forever.

the best thing

post from 2.8.11

It's 4:30am and I laid next to my son watching his eyes get heavy with each blink, his breathing slow to a calm easy pace, the pucker around the nipple of his bottle slow to a stop, until he fell asleep. And when the bottle dropped to his side, and the lids of eyes didn't open, my heart smiled and I knew I was watching the best thing in the world, my beautiful little boy asleep.

Lately, this has been a ritual with him. He hasn't been able to sleep at night and one of us, Jimmy or me, stays up with him until he can. I know he's needed us to fall asleep but mostly his eczema keeps him up. Today though, he was up because he wasn't tired. No itching. No crying out in pain. No frustration. Just pure happy energy. And I, having took a short nap, didn't mind it at all. Any night that isn't full of painful itching is a good night for him.

Some parents may read this and think that I'm absolutely absurd to allow our children not to have a set schedule of bedtime. We never did and probably never will. Right now, they are able to get a full nights rest no matter what time of day they sleep. They are loved, nurtured, kept well and safe, and are extremely brilliant children without a schedule and it works for us.

I'm thankful for the nights that I know Phantom is well. And even though I'm up at 4:30am writing this blog, I'm happy knowing my boy fell asleep because he wore himself out playing instead of itching. One day, the nights like these will be more frequent and sleep will come easier for us all. Tonight, I'll just cherish the thought that I know he was happy just before he fell asleep and his mind is in a good place dreaming good things. Now it's my turn. Good night.

The Race

The era in which we live in now is all about change. Accepting, denying, and making changes. It's actually enlightening when you sit back and see where we, as a country, were and where we are now. Yes we disagree on topics but we've come a long way to be able to disagree in an adult and civil manner.

Our country has seen a shift of being more accepting to people outside of said "NORM" defining the norm is in the eye of the beholder. I've heard statements like being gay is the new black, as in the color, not the EEO code used in employment. Or the big topic now is race and who is or is not racial and everyone has an opinion. More on gay later.

My opinion is only signficant to myself. A simple observation of all. I do have opinions and find things in all statements that I can agree with to an extent. I am a Filipina. That means I am a woman of Filipino origins. My husband is Chinese. Technically speaking, we are not of the same race. Ask any Chinese person and they'll agree. But people see two asians and they say, that's normal when really Chinese people do not like it when you marry outside of their race. I'm fortunate to have Jimmy's family because they are not like typical Chinese people. But I have learned a lot about this culture.

FB is like a sounding board of opinions. You can choose to agree or disagree or ignore. People are very passionate about their views that virtual friendships have been lost over it. Virtual friendships, to me, are no comparison to a real friendship. So if you lose a friend or three, so be it. Your FB life still goes on and more importantly, your real life still goes on.

So here is how I weigh in on this topic of race.

Our great country had inhabitants already on this great continent before Europeans came. Those people are now permitted to stay on land they call their own called a reservation. Wonderful. BRAVO America for being so nice to the good tribes of America. You don't hear about their fight for equality all too often because for the most part, they fight for what they want to preserve, like their language, their heritage, their way of life. No one argues. 

Then Europeans came to conquer the land and claim what they believed is rightfully theres ignoring the people who were here first. We now call the majority of these people WHITE, not the color but the EEO Code. They brought many things with them on their journey to conquer all - including rodents, diseases oh and yes, slaves. 

Our country evolves because people evolved to be more sensitive and compassionate towards others. Slaves started to take matters into their own hands. Take for instance, Mary McCleod Bethune. Her parents were slaves. She too worked in the field with her parents. She wanted to be more than a farm picker so she educated herself. In the early 1900, African-Americans couldn't go to school like the other children (and by other, I mean white people). So she taught children on her own, with her own money, and created opportunities where children of her same race could get an education. That was racism forcing a race to do what they can for themselves because no one else accepted them.

Remember, also during this evolution of America, that Asians were under scrutiny and held in concentration camps all over America because they feared one specific Asian race, so they made all Asians suffer. No one talks about that.

I digress.

Over many years, more and more people become more sensitive and accepting of people outside of their own race. Some people are more accepting then others, and some will never be accepting. 

My observation of recent events is this:

Each person is an individual and cannot be the representative of the entire ethnicity, race, or color. To say that one person acts this way so the entire (insert groups name here) acts like this, is ignorant. 

It is okay for there to be schools and organizations that promote a race like Bethune Cookman University because it celebrates where we were and where we are now. And it helps the community as a whole. There is no one suffering from these organizations and there is no promotion of hate towards other people coming from these schools and organizations. 

The reason why it doesn't translate well when having a white school or organization, is not that you can't be proud of being white, You absolutely can be proud of your race but these organizations, for the most part - as far as I know, promote the hate of every race outside of their own. Forgetting that they were not the first people who lived on this continent but believe this country was meant to be white. Selfish and ignorant. 

Individuals of all race, ethnicity groups have opinions. What I found in observing this is, most white people support their race. Most black people support their race. This is all depending on the situation at hand. but what you don't see a lot of is Asians (and by Asians I mean the entire CONTINENT OF ASIA) we sit by and watch the controversy. Because what you don't see is we generally keep to ourselves (or our group of people). What was in the past is in the past. No need to be upset about it because we look forward not backwards. Asians stick within our respective communities. Like I said, Chinese people stick with each other. It's virtually the same with any Asian group, Indians, Japanese, Vietnamese, even Filipinos. What people say and do around us doesn't matter so long as it doesn't interfere with what we're doing. 

Back to gay. Gay is not the new black. Gay is Gay. We are more accepting of it now because people have been brave enough to face their fears and be open about who the are instead of hiding it. It's not new, we are just more accepting of it as a society as we should be because who would really want to walk around life pretending to be someone else. 

And lastly, I saw a case where a comedian was sued by a lesbian couple because of the jokes that were made about gays. Don't go to a comic show if you don't want to be part of the joke. That's what comedians do. They make fun of people. It's all in good fun. I have gay friends who make gay jokes. It's funny. And it's even funnier when they can make Asian jokes at me. Why, because I don't care. A joke is just that, a joke. a jest. a comment that has no definition as to the person I am. So laugh. Laugh because it's funny. Laugh because laughing is healthy. And remember, life is too short to worry about everyone else. 

(My nature pics. Thought it would break up the monotony of words.)

Mother

Recent events are causing me to think about my life. 

I find myself recalling memories in the past and seeing it's impact in relationship to what occurred thereafter.

I remember being around many people growing up. We were always at a party or having a party. It was really nice because we (me and my siblings) would always be around other children. I think that's just part of the culture so I relished in all the fun we would have during these gathers. I was in my mid twenties when I would see the gatherings dwindle away to nothing and I didn't think much of it until now. more on this later.

Growing up, I was always sick and in the hospital. The one person I know was always there with me was my mother. I never thought about how my siblings were being taken care of because all I could remember is that my mother was with me. It's a great thing to remember loving memories like this and I don't take anything away from her because in this respect, my mother was always a great caretaker. She'd make you soup and tend to you to make sure you felt better. This I learned from her and thankful that she tended to me like an only child all those years I took her away from her other children.

Now as a mother of three, I can't help to compare myself to the mothers I know including my own. There are many things I have yet to learn and I look up to those who have the experience having raised children into wonderful adults. 

I don't like to hide things from people or lie. I especially dislike being lied to. So it is not unknown that my relationship with my mother has been practically non-existing in the last 3 years. I'm fortunate enough to have many other mothers who treat me like their own. One of which recently passed away.

I found myself reflecting on this yesterday which I think emotionally drained me. My baby (he's four), had a tantrum and usually I'm pretty good about it but yesterday it was a lot for me and I think it's because I was already spent by the time that happened because I felt helpless.

Back to the story. During my time of reflection, I thought of how we got to this point. No one ever says to themselves, when I grow up, I don't need my mother. Everyone needs a mother or mother-figure. So I remember all the instances I could in this short period of time. I thought of how my mother, being the major parental figure in my life, cared for us but didn't care for my father. So even though her sentences would start off with, I don't want you to hate your father (or the like), she would bad mouth him and tell us how bad he was. It was instinctive for us to gravitate towards her thus creating this void with my father who I now realize didn't deserve it and who tried so hard to keep his relationship with us (even though there were mishaps between). Who's perfect really?

Over the last 15 years, I've noticed a change. This may be because I am an adult and could think for myself now or it may be that my mother was getting older and changing. I can't tell you because this is my view. I noticed that her relationship with her friends dwindled down to nothing, causing our parties to go away altogether. I noticed her moods drastically change from happiness to anger in an instance for whatever reason was causing her anger. She hated that we developed a relationship with my father. She wouldn't say it outright, but she'd say things to make you feel guilty for spending time with him. I don't believe that she thought of herself as the primary parental figure anymore because of this new found relationship with my father so she had to demean our relationship anyway she could. She was quick to pass judgement and give opinions and felt her opinions were always right. And if you didn't agree, she'd bid you gone from her life or write a letter telling you how she felt we were wrong. 

There is only so much of that I could take. I want to be stable, because even though she is the way she is now, I'm learning from her every day. Learning I don't want to be like that. I don't want those words to every come from my mouth - because what kind of mother would I be if I told my children to have a nice life and I'll be fine without you. I will never be fine without my children. 

This is where I'm at. I chose this path because I can't be like my sisters who take those notes from her like a grain of salt. Her last note was all I needed to make this choice. My sisters are not wrong either and in a way, I admire them for being able to look past all of that and be the bigger person. This is my life, I choose this path because I want a stable healthy relationship with the people around me and I want that for my children. My father can give that to me and to my children. And not that I wanted to choose him over her, but I had to, for the sake of our emotional stability and because they need to have positive figures in their life. I have an amazing mother in law. She puts me (not her daughter) first along with our children. She provides for us in all aspects of life. And I see this in other mother's like Mama Williams and Mama Ranola who I cherish with all my heart. I will never forget the moments in my life where my mother was amazing - caring for me. I will never take those great memories away from her. But I am a mother now. My concern is for my own family. And if I could have my mother in all her glory, be a stable loving figure who is free from anger and hate, I would have her in my life. And if I can't, I am happy having the mothers I do have in my life and the memories of Mama Ranola. 

Family

This week has been an emotional experience. 

The loss of of a loved one is never easy, but I've gained perspective that I had not realized before.


My family, blood family, consisting of my parents and siblings, are the only family we have here. Growing up, I was told to cherish it and support one another always. And in a sense, there was a hierarchy of relationships that began with them. But I began to realize very quickly at a young age, that even though I was not born or raised in the Philippines, my family's friends were all family as well. I had Titas and Titos, and Kuyas and Ates that were also considered family. But none of which were blood family. I didn't have the luxuries of having my actual Titas and Titos, Lolas and Lolos, to grow up with, to call upon, or to have a relationship with - so when my first lolo passed away when I was 11-12, I was crying for my mother's loss but not the loss of my lolo because I had not had that relationship. And when other blood family members would pass, I would feel sorrow but not for me, for the my parents who were grieving. I had not suffered a loss of my own until my friend Perry Roden passed away. And then I found myself grieving for the first time. And again, when Papa Kwong passed away. The most emotional and heart-wrenching weeks of my life. When Maika Lee was put down, It felt like I lost a child. And this week, when my best friend's mother passed away, my grief surfaced again. So I can say I have been fortunate in a way- that the deaths that I have experienced were few but not blood... 

This week, as I looked at the many people that came to celebrate the life of Tita Cher, I realized that my family is not all blood related and that my parent's culture, which is deep rooted in me - but not very visible, actually had so much to do with how I view my life now. That even though people are not your blood, they can still be family. 

There are five families (parents, children, grandparents,etc) that I have grown up with and called my own. Never really recognizing the impact that they had on me until this week. The Bernabe,The Kwong, The Manansala, The Williams, and The Vincente/Ranola Families. These five families have accepted me and my family into their own. And maybe this was God's way of rectifying my family by giving me all of your families to love and support as you do for me. 

On the long ride home from a heavy day of reflection and grieving, Jimmy and I spoke of life and death. We saw in Tito Bong's eyes and in his words, that we too would feel this way if Jimmy or I had to leave this earth without each other. We questioned our actions and current situation with family members - and I realized - what I have now, is exactly what I should have. I have not made it a secret that making friends isn't a strong suit of mine because of this very culture I have instinctively created for myself. Friends, true friends, become family. The amount of love, emotions, and effort it takes to nurture the relationship between friends is enormous. And so I keep myself busy nurturing the relationships I have to support my family when they need me most. And I post this, as a tribute to my family - both blood and not blood - that I will love and support you until the day I die.