When I say, "our", I don't mean mine. I mean our generation of children.
We have watched and learned of generations and generations of children, and the norms of each generation.
We can recall grandparents telling us how long they've walked to get to school. I remember riding a bus to school and using the windows to get some air flow through the bus and now they have AC units and tinted windows.
My children are growing up in the age of technology. I think it's really wonderful that they have this kind of opportunity to learn through technology but I don't believe it should be a primary source of entertainment, play, or learning.
This is where I tell you how amazing I am at being a parent. Well don't hold your breath because I can tell you, I'm not so amazing as I'd like to think. And I can think of many parents who don't believe how I raise my children to be the "right" way. But I will say this, the right way can be subjective so long as you aren't hurting your child(ren), abusing or neglecting them. There is an infinite amount of love, support and guidance that I would give to my children and other people's children. But I speak loudly and I use the threat of or act of spanking as a consequence. I never do this in anger and they always know why before and after. I believe that love is not enough. That loving your child doesn't provide them food on the table, give them shelter, provide healthcare,support their learning capabilities, or need for stimulation and exercise.
Technology does not replace you. It doesn't replace the backyard where your kids should be playing at least an hour a day (because you know that recess in school no longer exist), and it surely doesn't give your kids manners.
We have to limit this for our children. Show them that playing outside is amazing, that learning outside of school - isn't so bad, and that saying please and thank you (and everything else they should learn) is mandatory.
My boys open and holds the door for people (even if the door is too heavy and an adult has to stand next to them for support) they know what they're doing is helping people get in and out.
My daughter has an infinite love of animals. A passion that is seen by everyone and she will pick up a caterpillar on a sidewalk to trasport him to a nearby bush so he's safe.
Most of all, we have to trust that our kids will understand what we say to them is in their best interest. I had a conversation with my children the other day, (ages 8,6, and almost 4). My oldest understood what I was saying. But I told them that there are parts of our brain that is slower in development and the frontal lobe isn't fully matured until early 20's. This is the part of the brain that gives you consequences to actions and provides you with good judgement. Because they are so young, they have to trust that mommy and daddy make their decisions for them until they are capable of making it for themselves. My daughter, she's an amazing young lady, puts her necklace that was around her neck also around the bowl of food she was eating. I told her not to that because it will pull her bowl and spill. She said I'm sorry mommy, I did it because I thought it was fun but I didn't know better because my frontal lobe isn't finishing developing. She's only 8. I think every day that if I continue to have frank conversations with my children, then as they grow older, they will remind themselves of these conversations to help them in the future.
So here is why I'm writing. I was watching or reading something and the woman was stating that our young women look forward to the day they become a bride. What some of us forget to do while our children are young is to show them how to become good husbands and wives. We think that opening the car door for someone or preparing a meal makes them worthy of an adult partner but there is so much that goes into a relationship such as marriage or any committed relationship that we have to show them, by being the example and by enforcing to them that being a good person, will help (but not prepare), in becoming a good partner. For me, being a good mother, means being a good wife. I love my husband and I know that if I can be good to him, it will be reciprocated and our children will learn from us. We have to support our children in anything and everything that they want to do within good reason. My daughter saw a conure in a pet store and fell in love with it. The next thing I know, she wants one. I told her it's a very expensive bird. If you want it, you have to buy it yourself. So she says okay. She saved up $300 in five months. When she had $100 I told her she has to keep her money safe in the bank so she opened up a bank account to put her money in. I also told her that a conure takes a lot of work in caring for him. She wasn't deterred. So she read a book on how to care for conures. No matter how much we as parents believe it may not be a good idea, it was an accomplishment for her to do everything she was supposed to do to get a bird. If I were to deny her this privilege now, I'd shatter her dreams, and enforce to her that putting all the hard work means nothing and essentially crushing her morale and probably instilling a bit of hatred. She deserves to have the bird. And as parents, she deserves our support for her accomplishment. And we should celebrate each accomplishment no matter how little or big it is.
In closing, my husband went shopping with his grandfather the other day. They spoke about how children will be 30 before you know it. I already see how time flies now because I can remember each of their birthdays and the feelings that went along with it like yesterday. I can only hope that my children learn from us. I want them to see a world of equality, differences that are beautiful and unique, and be accepting and helpful to their communities. I want to continue having frank conversations with my children and hope that they ask lots of questions. I look forward to tomorrow and seeing their beautiful minds develop.
